Words That Heal

In training to become a nurse, I was taught principles of what is called "Therapeutic Communication." By definition, this is words that seek to heal.  One of the principles that I've found to be most powerful is the following: Never say "don't worry." This principle extends to cover anything that attempts to minimize the issue at hand, and more importantly, the feelings someone is experiencing. While this guideline is essential in aiding someone to cope with the loss of a loved one or a terminal diagnosis, it can also come in handy in being a good listener.

Imagine this scenario: someone you know faces the end of a relationship/potential relationship/hope-in-something-more-with-someone-they-really-care-about and they come to you--crying, angry, morose. You seek to offer words of comfort and this phrase slips out of your mouth: "You'll find someone someday."

This advice is the words "don't worry" in disguise. It attempts to diminish the emotions they're experiencing and smooth over heartache.

The giver of this advice is well-meaning, and might not know what else to say, but in this situation, not saying anything may be more helpful for the following reason:

In my experience--personally and what I've seen friends and family go through--when an individual is upset about a concluding relationship, it’s usually not feeling alone/single that’s most difficult to face. If that is the problem, then maybe: “you’ll find someone someday, just date other people, move on to someone new” is a good piece of advice. The thing that's hard to come to grips with is that you're losing a friendship, in many ways. Jessica and Daniel or Brandon and Whitney--that little unit, with the inside jokes, shared habits, fun hobbies, familiar schedules--is gone. No matter what, the interactions and conversations and connection that was will NEVER be the same with someone else, and while that’s completely ok and normal and expected, it’s a loss that can't be assuaged by hearing "There will be someone else." To grieve/mourn/say goodbye to that little entity is where the real struggle lies.



I wish that they taught me in nursing school the medicines, procedures and words that will fix a broken heart, but they didn't. With the few years I've had on this earth, the only 2 things I know that will aid those experiencing heartache is forgiveness and time.