Also I don't know a ton about rock climbing, so if you do...sorry if I'm offending your climbing knowledge with my ignorance.
I can be a little bit of a control freak. There's a spectrum and while I'm not on the highest end, I lean to the more controlling side than I do the go-with-the-flow side. I'm not proud of this, I've always tried desperately to identify as a low-key, laid-back lady, and while I am in some areas, I have to admit to myself that sometimes I really do like to be in control and know what to expect in a lot of situations.
One aspect of being a control freak is that I love planning things. Trips, my week, a meeting--it's satisfying and comfortable to design a plan and see it through to completion.
There's a really big Plan that I've always believed in and in which I've found great comfort. A core doctrine of the Latter-day Saint religion, the Plan of Salvation (or of Plan of Happiness or a few other names), teaches that God, or Heavenly Father is our divine parent who sent us to this earth, whereon we are able to experience life away from His presence and use agency to choose what kind of person we want to be, and we have the option to choose a life that will allow us to return to His presence and have eternal progress in the presence of our Father.
That "mortality" circle looks small, unadorned, and uncomplicated. Live your life the "right" way and then badabing badaboom, you get eternal glory. I didn't recognize the paradigm I had regarding this Plan until recently I've been faced with a few important life choices. I was praying for guidance to choose the "right" thing, the thing that God had in His plan, that could/would allow me to live exactly like God wanted. I felt confused and unsure and frustrated, when I realized I was thinking that God's plan was like a step by step Google navigation, something along the lines of: turn right at BYU-Idaho, proceed for 2.5 miles in Rexburg and spend the next 3.778 miles as a nurse in Midvale, UT. University of Utah ER will be to the east. Veer left when you see the sign marked "Man of Your Dreams". Continue on this road for 0.8 miles, following signs for 'Progress in Your Career and Relationship Way'. Take the second exit of the roundabout on Temple Marriage Dr./Route 24/7-365 N/Become A Nurse Practitioner E, and drive straight for time and all eternity.
But I think I'm wrong about that format.
While I do not doubt that God knows each of our lives individually and has the power to influence and guide us towards good things, to protect us from harm, and there are strengthening and challenging experiences by which God can help us become better people, I don't think God's plan is micro-managed as I thought before.
Instead of being a locked in Google Maps trip, or even a roller coaster with ups and downs but still stays on one track the whole time, I think the Plan of Salvation is more like this:
There's hundreds of possible routes up the wall. Occasionally, people stay on one route the whole time, never abandoning their color, never having to take a break and they race to the top. More often, a climber may fall over and over, feeling like they're making no progress, when in reality their dedication to getting to the top is one of their greatest qualities and they're the strongest climber at the end of the day. Others may choose one color, then see that it's beyond their strength to conquer, and choose a few other colors--wandering from side to side on the wall, slowly but surely moving upwards. Some may free climb, tied in to nothing, doing it more riskily but enjoying the rush, but their fall is the most devastating.
One thing they all have in common is they are trying to go in the same direction...even though they're doing it different ways. However, they will all do better on their route if they focus on themselves and their own progress up the wall and don't spend time ogling other climbers, comparing techniques and strength while they are clinging to the wall, wasting time and energy without moving because they're distracted.
There are important life choices and covenants that anchor me to God, and the Savior is my lead climber, climbing ahead of me, setting the example for me and showing me the way to go. The Holy Spirit is my belayer--always trying to help me climb in the right direction. I no longer feel, however, that God's plan is something I can ruin by taking a wrong turn, it's not so delicate. There are routes that are harder than others, routes which may injure me,routes that I may fall from, routes which won't challenge me, but as long as I remain tied in, listening to my belayer and following my lead climber, I will make it up, one way or another.
Once I recognized this, it was simultaneously comforting and scary. It's comforting to feel that I'm not going to jinx it all by accepting a job, moving to a new city, making an investment, getting into a relationship, or making big and small mistakes. It's scary and exhilarating because it made me realize how truly in charge of my own destiny I am. I can't expect a perfectly packaged "How to Get to Heaven--Becca Edition" travel brochure to turn to at every major crossroads. Instead, I have the responsibility to know the principles of good climbing, maintain a strong grip, hook in to solid anchors, trust my belayer and follow the leader. I have the ability and opportunity to boldly use the agency God gave me to apply true doctrines and choose what I think is the best route for me, and at the end of the day, my responsibility is to not try to control the future, but to simply do my best and climb on.
