Why I Hate Dating

I usually don't like dates. 

Before you mark me as bitter/heartbroken/never asked out, read the rest of this post.

Of the dates I've been on, there's been good ones and and not so good ones. There's one huge difference between the two types, and behind that difference lies the reason I often don't enjoy the idea of going on dates.

A couple of guys in my ward saw me, maybe introduced themselves to me, and then asked for my number (or got it off the ward directory) and we went on a date. Both of them didn't know at the time that I was 17, and lost interest quickly after learning that I wasn't old enough to vote. I don't blame them--I was young. However, if we had gotten to know each other in a casual, friendly way before they asked me on a date--laced with romantic expectations, weird formalities, and pressure to impress and be attractive, then they would have learned my age, not asked me out, and we could have a friendship, one that didn't smack of "I was interested but not anymore but I guess we can hang out ." 

Later, once I'd turned 18, I had the good date experience. Again, it was a guy from my ward, but he didn't simply meet me, ask for my number, and ask me out. At a few different group events, we ended up spending a few hours just talking to each other; about our families, our majors, different life experiences, opinions on social issues--all the stuff that actually matters! After I was starting to feel like this guy actually knew me and I knew him, too, he asked me on a date. Because we'd already spent time together, our date didn't feel like an interview--we already knew the basics about the other person, and we could have a relaxed, natural conversation. It was probably the best first date I've been on.

We've been told by Elder Dallin H. Oaks that 'hanging out' is not the best way to get to know each other:

"The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out."

I agree that going on actual one-on-one dates is important when you're trying to make progress in a romantic relationship. I also think, though, that spending time with people in a very relaxed, casual setting before you ask them out can be a good thing. Important personal details like someone's age, impending mission calls, missionaries they're waiting for, personality, and life plans (important factors in a possible relationship, if that's what you're looking for), can be acquired before you spend time, money, and effort on an evening that may or may not lead to a second date and could also just be really awkward.

I should probably revise my earlier statement--I don't hate dates. What I hate is the tense first-date feeling that happens when you hardly know the person you're going out with. I hate that people get written off after getting their hopes up because they didn't pass the first-date 'interview', or they figure out that the person they were interested in is leaving on a mission in a month. 

Moral of the story: get to know people. If you don't end up married to each other, that's A-OK. Making new friends is always a blessing!

EDIT: The point of this post isn't that I'm mad at those guys for not wanting to date me once they figured out I wasn't 18--I was simply using that story to illustrate the possible situations that arise from going on dates with someone you don't know that well. Just wanted to clear that up.