I recently came home from my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, during which I did everything in my power to help others come unto Christ and learn and live his Gospel. I did this because I have found immeasurable joy in living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and wanted others who are seeking for meaning to feel as much peace and joy as I do. Now that I’m home I find many friends, family members, and acquaintances are leaving the church, angry or hurt or confused. I’ve been thinking a lot of why I choose stay in the church if all these things exist.
I know why I stay and it’s not because I have faith in my fellow members. I don’t have perfect knowledge of all church history. I don’t have a testimony of Utah culture. My discipleship is not to Joseph Smith. My worth is not linked to the length of my skirt and my identity is not “Mormon” or “LDS.” If these things were the most important aspect of being a member of this church, I might have left long ago. So why have I stayed?
Because my identity is as a daughter of God. My discipleship is to Christ. My worth comes from who I am eternally, not what I did today or how much I read my scriptures. I have a testimony of the Restoration of Christ’s original church, which existed then and now to teach faith in Christ and repentance through his Atonement. I know God speaks to and through imperfect people called as prophets to teach us doctrine and principles for us to seek stability in difficult times. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, and Joseph Smith, imperfect and flawed and needing repentance like I do, was a prophet. I have firm faith in Christ and his Atonement.
Life is a huge trust fall. We’re scared and want to feel safe, but we’re still in a free fall, and trusting, hoping, and believing that someone can catch us. The only thing that is stable and unchanging and I can rely on is Christ’s Atonement. I’ve never met the Savior and I didn’t see that Atonement. That’s where the faith comes in. The faith that through living Christ’s gospel, I can be with God again. Faith means I act, hoping that Christ really did do all we are taught he did. I have hope for a better world, hope in the resurrection, a lively hope, a perfect brightness of hope, there are things I hope for and have not seen.
There are things I don’t know, many things I don’t understand, and many behaviors I wish I could change. But until the day those things are no longer a challenge, I promise that, like in the Book of Mormon, we can enjoy this same blessing:
“The Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him.”
If the source of our hope and the foundation of our faith is anything but Christ, we will fall when the whirlwinds and floods and storms and questions and persecution and frustration and imperfection and pains and offenses come. The peace and assurance I experience from my testimony of God’s plan and Christ’s power is something I don’t want to live without so I have chosen and continue to choose to believe and strengthen that faith in him. THAT'S why I read the scriptures, pray often, and want to worship--because it is how I keep strong to help me stay, by building my faith in Christ.
It’s up to each person to believe or to let go, but if we are going to choose to believe let’s choose to believe in the one we can always count on.
❤❤❤
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