There is Hope In Christ

I recently came home from my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, during which I did everything in my power to help others come unto Christ and learn and live his Gospel. I did this because I have found immeasurable joy in living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and wanted others who are seeking for meaning to feel as much peace and joy as I do. Now that I’m home I find many friends, family members, and acquaintances are leaving the church, angry or hurt or confused. I’ve been thinking a lot of why I choose stay in the church if all these things exist. 

I know why I stay and it’s not because I have faith in my fellow members. I don’t have perfect knowledge of all church history. I don’t have a testimony of Utah culture. My discipleship is not to Joseph Smith. My worth is not linked to the length of my skirt and my identity is not “Mormon” or “LDS.” If these things were the most important aspect of being a member of this church, I might have left long ago. So why have I stayed?

Because my identity is as a daughter of God. My discipleship is to Christ. My worth comes from who I am eternally, not what I did today or how much I read my scriptures. I have a testimony of the Restoration of Christ’s original church, which existed then and now to teach faith in Christ and repentance through his Atonement. I know God speaks to and through imperfect people called as prophets to teach us doctrine and principles for us to seek stability in difficult times. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, and Joseph Smith, imperfect and flawed and needing repentance like I do, was a prophet. I have firm faith in Christ and his Atonement.

Life is a huge trust fall. We’re scared and want to feel safe, but we’re still in a free fall, and trusting, hoping, and believing that someone can catch us. The only thing that is stable and unchanging and I can rely on is Christ’s Atonement. I’ve never met the Savior and I didn’t see that Atonement. That’s where the faith comes in. The faith that through living Christ’s gospel, I can be with God again. Faith means I act, hoping that Christ really did do all we are taught he did. I have hope for a better world, hope in the resurrection, a lively hope, a perfect brightness of hope, there are things I hope for and have not seen. 

There are things I don’t know, many things I don’t understand, and many behaviors I wish I could change. But until the day those things are no longer a challenge, I promise that, like in the Book of Mormon, we can enjoy this same blessing:

“The Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him.”

If the source of our hope and the foundation of our faith is anything but Christ, we will fall when the whirlwinds and floods and storms and questions and persecution and frustration and imperfection and pains and offenses come. The peace and assurance I experience from my testimony of God’s plan and Christ’s power is something I don’t want to live without so I have chosen and continue to choose to believe and strengthen that faith in him. THAT'S why I read the scriptures, pray often, and want to worship--because it is how I keep strong to help me stay, by building my faith in Christ.

It’s up to each person to believe or to let go, but if we are going to choose to believe let’s choose to believe in the one we can always count on.

Sharing is Caring

Ever wonder what those “Mormon missionaries” are so persistent about? Why they knock doors and ride bikes and do service projects and seem so cheerful and eager?  It’s not for money (we’re all volunteers), praise, or adventure factor. To help you understand why we do what we do, here’s why quit my job for a year and a half, put on a nametag, learned a new language, and became a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

Something special I believe in is the possibility for marriage to last to eternity and beyond, happily forever after. That fairytale ending is not just a nice story, it’s something we can all experience. Just as we don’t honor someone’s state professional license in a different state, the earthly authority of someone to marry is valid on earth, until death. However when a marriage is sealed by one acting with the power and authority of God, that marriage is binding wherever we go, even after death. That message of forever families is at the center of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That power to seal families eternally is real, it’s been given to prophets throughout history, and was given once again to a prophet named Joseph Smith  in the 1830s. My treasure in life is my family. Jesus taught: “But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” 

We’re not here to pay bills and die. We’re here to come to know God, and to know Christ, and live up to our divine heritage as children of a Heavenly Father. I remember in college I was sad because my friends kept graduating and leaving to far away places, and I was tired of loving and caring about someone only to say goodbye earlier than I wanted. Building relationships with people that will last forever— that’s what we’re made for, which is why goodbyes can feel so wrong. 

The perspective I gain from knowing that what I do here on earth, what I treasure, and how I love others will last longer than til death gives me hope that grounds me and peace I wouldn’t trade for anything. 

What is that hope in? In the words of a prophet from ancient America: “Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.” 

That hope for a better world gives me the power to change myself and see my life as a time to prepare for eternity as part of a forever family. With Christ, fairytales are reality, and to me, that’s something worth sharing. 

If you want to learn more about anything I've written, even just out of sheer curiosity or a desire to understand, comment below or message me. If you want to read more about what I believe, you can scroll through my blog posts, or visit ComeUntoChrist.org

Losing Control

Disclaimer: this post includes my own personal beliefs and perspectives on some doctrines of the LDS church. While I'm doing by best to accurately represent these doctrines, this is still just my own understanding and thoughts.
Also I don't know a ton about rock climbing, so if you do...sorry if I'm offending your climbing knowledge with my ignorance.

I can be a little bit of a control freak. There's a spectrum and while I'm not on the highest end, I lean to the more controlling side than I do the go-with-the-flow side. I'm not proud of this, I've always tried desperately to identify as a low-key, laid-back lady, and while I am in some areas, I have to admit to myself that sometimes I really do like to be in control and know what to expect in a lot of situations. 

One aspect of being a control freak is that I love planning things. Trips, my week, a meeting--it's satisfying and comfortable to design a plan and see it through to completion.
There's a really big Plan that I've always believed in and in which I've found great comfort. A core doctrine of the Latter-day Saint religion, the Plan of Salvation (or of Plan of Happiness or a few other names), teaches that God, or Heavenly Father is our divine parent who sent us to this earth, whereon we are able to experience life away from His presence and use agency to choose what kind of person we want to be, and we have the option to choose a life that will allow us to return to His presence and have eternal progress in the presence of our Father.

That "mortality" circle looks small, unadorned, and uncomplicated. Live your life the "right" way and then badabing badaboom, you get eternal glory. I didn't recognize the paradigm I had regarding this Plan until recently I've been faced with a few important life choices. I was praying for guidance to choose the "right" thing, the thing that God had in His plan, that could/would allow me to live exactly like God wanted. I felt confused and unsure and frustrated, when I realized I was thinking that God's plan was like a step by step Google navigation, something along the lines of: turn right at BYU-Idaho, proceed for 2.5 miles in Rexburg and spend the next 3.778 miles as a nurse in Midvale, UT. University of Utah ER will be to the east. Veer left when you see the sign marked "Man of Your Dreams". Continue on this road for 0.8 miles, following signs for 'Progress in Your Career and Relationship Way'. Take the second exit of the roundabout on Temple Marriage Dr./Route 24/7-365 N/Become A Nurse Practitioner E, and drive straight for time and all eternity.

But I think I'm wrong about that format.

While I do not doubt that God knows each of our lives individually and has the power to influence and guide us towards good things, to protect us from harm, and there are strengthening and challenging experiences by which God can help us become better people, I don't think God's plan is micro-managed as I thought before.

Instead of being a locked in Google Maps trip, or even a roller coaster with ups and downs but still stays on one track the whole time, I think the Plan of Salvation is more like this:

There's hundreds of possible routes up the wall. Occasionally, people stay on one route the whole time, never abandoning their color, never having to take a break and they race to the top. More often, a climber may fall over and over, feeling like they're making no progress, when in reality their dedication to getting to the top is one of their greatest qualities and they're the strongest climber at the end of the day. Others may choose one color, then see that it's beyond their strength to conquer, and choose a few other colors--wandering from side to side on the wall, slowly but surely moving upwards. Some may free climb, tied in to nothing, doing it more riskily but enjoying the rush, but their fall is the most devastating.

One thing they all have in common is they are trying to go in the same direction...even though they're doing it different ways. However, they will all do better on their route if they focus on themselves and their own progress up the wall and don't spend time ogling other climbers, comparing techniques and strength while they are clinging to the wall, wasting time and energy without moving because they're distracted.

There are important life choices and covenants that anchor me to God, and the Savior is my lead climber, climbing ahead of me, setting the example for me and showing me the way to go. The Holy Spirit is my belayer--always trying to help me climb in the right direction. I no longer feel, however, that God's plan is something I can ruin by taking a wrong turn, it's not so delicate. There are routes that are harder than others, routes which may injure me,routes that I may fall from, routes which won't challenge me, but as long as I remain tied in, listening to my belayer and following my lead climber, I will make it up, one way or another.

Once I recognized this, it was simultaneously comforting and scary. It's comforting to feel that I'm not going to jinx it all by accepting a job, moving to a new city, making an investment, getting into a relationship, or making big and small mistakes. It's scary and exhilarating because it made me realize how truly in charge of my own destiny I am. I can't expect a perfectly packaged "How to Get to Heaven--Becca Edition" travel brochure to turn to at every major crossroads. Instead, I have the responsibility to know the principles of good climbing, maintain a strong grip, hook in to solid anchors, trust my belayer and follow the leader. I have the ability and opportunity to boldly use the agency God gave me to apply true doctrines and choose what I think is the best route for me, and at the end of the day, my responsibility is to not try to control the future, but to simply do my best and climb on.

                                                 

It's Not About The Nail...Or Is It?

In a humorous commentary on female versus male communication, the video It's Not About The Nail pokes fun at the way women (generally speaking) "just want to be listened to." The exasperated husband is frustrated that the solution to the problem seems so obvious but his wife is completely ignoring that fact and simply wants to vent to him.

I have definitely been guilty of doing exactly what the wife did--just wanting to whine without getting advice or help. I've also been the not-so-sympathetic listener that offers a solution and then throws up my hands in frustration that my brother, friend, parent, or patient is not taking my super good advice.

Recently I was discussing this type of conversation with a couple of friends. They were on the husband's side--arguing that venting is somewhat pointless, unproductive, and immature, that offering solutions to solving the problem at hand is the best way to help. I was leaning towards the wife's side; I was convinced there is value to listening and offering comfort without advice. 

While my friends and I talked, a Bible story came to mind. Of course, Christ exemplifies an great way to be both loving, compassionate, kind, as well as helpful and solution-directed.

In the book of John, chapter 11, Jesus goes to his friends Mary and Martha, whose brother Lazarus has died. They are distraught, weeping and telling Jesus if he had come earlier, Lazarus could have been healed. Christ did not belittle these sisters' grief. He didn't say to them: "It's ok--I'm going to raise him from the dead, stop crying" or "Don't worry about it." 

What he did first, we find in John 11:35, the shortest Bible verse there is: "Jesus wept." In this simple act, he was showing compassion, mourning with them, validating their feelings, and offering support. He recognized the sorrow of the situation and showed them that he understood.  

However, Jesus knew, like many frustrated friends and family who are being vented to often, that there was a simple solution to the problem. He asked to be shown where Lazarus was buried, and then miraculously raised him from the dead.

The lesson I gleaned from this interaction is the following:

When someone is upset, angry, sad, or confused and wants to talk, taking time to listen to them and seek to understand how they're feeling can do a lot and help them feel loved and safe. Comforting people is such a good thing to do. 

In cases where there is something that can be done to help the situation, once the person knows you're not belittling or judging them for their feelings, offering advice or even just *doing* something that needs to be done (when appropriate, of course) is a really good thing, too! It's natural to want to help someone you care about and try to fix the problems that are causing them stress.

At the end of the day,  it's hard to go wrong when you're showing the person they're loved--by serving, listening, validating, or just being a shoulder to cry on. It can be sometimes be long, boring, difficult or seemingly unimportant, but with a little bit of Christlike love, we can help each other out--big time.

Words That Heal

In training to become a nurse, I was taught principles of what is called "Therapeutic Communication." By definition, this is words that seek to heal.  One of the principles that I've found to be most powerful is the following: Never say "don't worry." This principle extends to cover anything that attempts to minimize the issue at hand, and more importantly, the feelings someone is experiencing. While this guideline is essential in aiding someone to cope with the loss of a loved one or a terminal diagnosis, it can also come in handy in being a good listener.

Imagine this scenario: someone you know faces the end of a relationship/potential relationship/hope-in-something-more-with-someone-they-really-care-about and they come to you--crying, angry, morose. You seek to offer words of comfort and this phrase slips out of your mouth: "You'll find someone someday."

This advice is the words "don't worry" in disguise. It attempts to diminish the emotions they're experiencing and smooth over heartache.

The giver of this advice is well-meaning, and might not know what else to say, but in this situation, not saying anything may be more helpful for the following reason:

In my experience--personally and what I've seen friends and family go through--when an individual is upset about a concluding relationship, it’s usually not feeling alone/single that’s most difficult to face. If that is the problem, then maybe: “you’ll find someone someday, just date other people, move on to someone new” is a good piece of advice. The thing that's hard to come to grips with is that you're losing a friendship, in many ways. Jessica and Daniel or Brandon and Whitney--that little unit, with the inside jokes, shared habits, fun hobbies, familiar schedules--is gone. No matter what, the interactions and conversations and connection that was will NEVER be the same with someone else, and while that’s completely ok and normal and expected, it’s a loss that can't be assuaged by hearing "There will be someone else." To grieve/mourn/say goodbye to that little entity is where the real struggle lies.



I wish that they taught me in nursing school the medicines, procedures and words that will fix a broken heart, but they didn't. With the few years I've had on this earth, the only 2 things I know that will aid those experiencing heartache is forgiveness and time.

                                             

The End 2.0

Not that I'm counting...but I'm graduating from BYU-Idaho with an Associate's Degree in Nursing in 2 days and 14 hours. Or so.

I seriously don't know what to think about this development. I feel like I've been in school for an eternity, even though it's only been 6 semesters. It's been a jam-packed college career that came with so many blessings, trials, fun and crazy experiences, and countless people that were essential to the experience.

The next adventure I'm planning in my life is moving to Utah, getting my license, and starting a job as a nurse in some lucky hospital! I'm in the process of applying and interviewing but nothing's set in stone yet. Fingers crossed and lots of prayers that I can find a place that's right for me! 

It's been really hard to come to grips with the fact that I'm leaving so many amazing friends here in Rexburg but I think that I'm supposed to be in Utah so I'm just going on faith at this point. To all those who supported me in one way or another--studying with me, encouraging me, loving me, listening, giving me hugs, eating pizza with me, going on adventures, and teaching me life lessons--Thank you. Without you, I would not be the woman I am! 

Here's to new horizons.

                                           

The Least Of These

It's Friday night. Instead of going out with friends or watching a movie, I went to the hospital for a night shift. At 2am, I'm starting to drag. Someone hits the call light--the patient had an accident. That makes it his 3rd of the night. 4 nurses go to the room to assist in changing the sheets while the patient lies essentially immobile in bed. Everyone's crossing their fingers that this will be his last accident the shift but we all know it will likely happen at least once more before we all go home. 

It's the following Friday--9:15pm. A recently bed-bound patient wants to take a shower for the first time in a month. He's been limited by the fact that he has 2 broken legs. My nurse, a CNA, and I all do our best to move him to a wheelchair and then to the shower, trying to squeeze around narrow spaces between the bed, the bathroom, and the wheelchair without falling, hurting his leg, or knocking over his wound vac. When we've finally got him to the shower chair, his affected foot is red and swollen from the change in position, there's towels on the floor, and we're all panting.

Saturday night, my shift started less than an hour  ago. I come into the room and a patient is holding her feeding tube, having just pulled out several inches of it out of her nose. She's confused and asking for scissors to cut it off. We slowly push the tube back into her nose and turn off the feeding. We'll have to get the placement checked by radiology in the morning.

All of these situations are 1) not uncommon and 2) easy times to ask myself: "What was I thinking, getting into nursing?"

Although the things I experience are not usually glamorous or fun, I wouldn't trade them.

The first patient thanked all of the nurses every time we came in to change him--embarrassed, but also happy we were helping him.

The second, although both of his legs were in severe pain for the next 12 hours, was smiling when he got in and out of the shower and said "It was worth the pain. That was the best shower in the world."

The third: I was in the room later that night, sitting and holding her hand as she told me about her children and saying "They are so full of love." For some reason, it touched me deeply and I choked back tears, glad for the darkness of the room.
  
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In Matthew 25, Jesus told his disciples that they had given him drink, clothing, food, and taken him in. When they questioned him on this claim, he told them: "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

I have the opportunity to take care of helpless, sick, and weakened people. While it comes with much work, what some call "disgusting" tasks, and truly endless charting, it is humbling. My patients have provided me with wise advice, many laughs, and the blessing of experiencing something amazing as I give aid to an individual who is truly incapacitated, who could not help themselves.

As I near the end of my schooling, I feel overwhelmed at the fact that I'm almost done but also that I've accomplished what I have. I feel scared and intimidated to be a real nurse and take responsibility for the lives of people. I pray that God will be with me as I take care of his wonderful children. Thanks to all of you who believed in me, encouraged me, and prayed for me. Special thanks goes to my mother, who identified the nurse in me, and to the Savior, for being the perfect example of a loving caregiver.